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zaterdag 20 september 2014

Where have i been - Life Update

Hi girls .
I know it's been such a long time since i have done any blogging , but a lot of things are going on in my life right now . So i wanted to give you all an update . 

Most of you knew that my dad had lungcancer . Unfortunately he died on August 21 , 2014 after a painful battle agains his disease . It's been very hard for me since then , and it seems like i can't find the mood to go on with my own life . I know i have to , and i'm trying . But it's so freakin' darn hard to do that ... I miss my dad so hard . I hope he has found peace now and i hope he is back together with my mum . I have a lot of things that i have to do to make sure everything is arranged from him . I have to take care of my younger brother , who still lived with my dad . He can't take care of himself or his finances , so i'm taking care of that together with another brother of mine . We have to find a new home for him , because my dad's house will be sold .
I'm exhausted , i feel empty , i'm completely broken ... I can't take care of it anymore . I'm losing myself , to be honest with you ... I still have my little Luna , but he's very sick as well . I have to feed him with a syringe every few hours to keep him alive . He's still very sweet , wants to be with me all the time . But i know he will be next i'm going to lose ... 
I'm in the middle of renovations of my rental house , which gives a lot of stress as well . We're trying to complete the renovations by the end of november , so we can rent the house again soon.
So i hope you all understand that blogging is not a priority for me right now . I'm trying to get back with looks and swatches from new stuff i've bought and from a swap i did , but for some reason i can't bring myself to it .

Live has been a hell for my simce more than a year now , and i have more than enough of it . I need to find myself again and i need to find the beauty of life again . I have to go on , i just have to , and i have the feeling that i don't have time to think about my father's death ... Sometimes i wish i could disappear from everything , to scream and cry so *&@"!* loud for all the bad things that happened .... 

Love you all .