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zaterdag 20 september 2014

Where have i been - Life Update

Hi girls .
I know it's been such a long time since i have done any blogging , but a lot of things are going on in my life right now . So i wanted to give you all an update . 

Most of you knew that my dad had lungcancer . Unfortunately he died on August 21 , 2014 after a painful battle agains his disease . It's been very hard for me since then , and it seems like i can't find the mood to go on with my own life . I know i have to , and i'm trying . But it's so freakin' darn hard to do that ... I miss my dad so hard . I hope he has found peace now and i hope he is back together with my mum . I have a lot of things that i have to do to make sure everything is arranged from him . I have to take care of my younger brother , who still lived with my dad . He can't take care of himself or his finances , so i'm taking care of that together with another brother of mine . We have to find a new home for him , because my dad's house will be sold .
I'm exhausted , i feel empty , i'm completely broken ... I can't take care of it anymore . I'm losing myself , to be honest with you ... I still have my little Luna , but he's very sick as well . I have to feed him with a syringe every few hours to keep him alive . He's still very sweet , wants to be with me all the time . But i know he will be next i'm going to lose ... 
I'm in the middle of renovations of my rental house , which gives a lot of stress as well . We're trying to complete the renovations by the end of november , so we can rent the house again soon.
 
So i hope you all understand that blogging is not a priority for me right now . I'm trying to get back with looks and swatches from new stuff i've bought and from a swap i did , but for some reason i can't bring myself to it .

Live has been a hell for my simce more than a year now , and i have more than enough of it . I need to find myself again and i need to find the beauty of life again . I have to go on , i just have to , and i have the feeling that i don't have time to think about my father's death ... Sometimes i wish i could disappear from everything , to scream and cry so *&@"!* loud for all the bad things that happened .... 

Love you all .

4 opmerkingen:

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your father. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of things all at once right now. Take lots of time to take care of yourself, and take as much time as you need to feel better. You are in my thoughts, I hope you begin to feel better soon.

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  2. I thought that your long absence must be because of your dad. I am so sorry. My dad died almost 4 years ago of lung cancer. He got diagnosed on my BD in May.8 months later he died after chemo, radiation treatment and terrible weight loss. My dad and I were very close, although I knew that he would not live very long,his death was a shock! For 3 months straight I cried my eyes out and was so angry,because my dad never smoked. It is important to grief, to cry whenever and how often you want, take your time. I can only wish you strength in this hard time and don't worry about beauty blogging right now.

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  3. I am so very sorry about your dad :'( It is so hard to loose someone that we love very dearly.
    You will always be in my thoughts and if you need anything, just someone to talk to, then please send me an e-mail. Im always here to comfort and "listen" to whatever it is.
    I know you have had a really hard time lately and I wish I could help you with everything :(
    I hope that Luna will somehow get better so that you don´t have to go through anymore sadness.
    Take care sweetheart and I can only wish that you will find strength somewhere... you come back when you feel you have the strength to do so.
    If it is a week from now, a year, two years.. it does not matter. As long as you feel that you have your strength back and want to come back.
    We will all be waiting..
    Love you hun
    xx

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